


words are trivial

by foreverautumn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Overthinking, Tea, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:04:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1407592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverautumn/pseuds/foreverautumn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alright."</p>
<p>The word spins around in Eren’s head, back and forth, over and over, and though it is only two syllables, he can’t seem to make any sense of it. Corporal Levi’s face remains as calm as it’s been since the moment he’d been approached, and Eren is tempted to ask him to repeat himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	words are trivial

**Author's Note:**

> *tumbleweed rolls by* I'm very sorry I haven't posted anything here in awhile. It's mostly a result of laziness. *cowers in shame*

"Alright."  
  
The word spins around in Eren’s head, back and forth, over and over, and though it is only two syllables, he can’t seem to make any sense of it. Corporal Levi’s face remains as calm as it’s been since the moment he’d been approached, and Eren is tempted to ask him to repeat himself.  
  
"Alright," Eren repeats instead, the word escaping him on a nervous breath. He’s not sure how this is alright, what it means that it’s alright, but Eren doesn’t have time to ponder over it any longer, as Levi is taking two steps forward, three, and he pauses in front of Eren, eyes finding his.  
  
"Good night, Eren," Levi says, still looking into his eyes. Eren finds it difficult to breathe, heart lodged in his throat, but then the moment is broken as Levi continues on past him, arm brushing his own and making his skin tingle and itch.  
  
 _Alright_.  
  
When one does something as stupid as he’s just done, namely, deliver a bumbling love confession, voice tinged with embarrassment and shame, because Corporal Levi is— there are no words for what he is, to not just the world, but to Eren, and of all of the reactions he had planned for, this hadn’t been one of them.  
  
Eren closes his eyes, trailing a finger across his arm before he catches himself, cheeks burning.  
  
 _What_ , exactly, is alright?  
  
—  
  
After a sleepless night, Eren has managed to convince himself that Levi had meant it was alright for Eren to have these feelings; he wouldn’t be punished or shamed, and Levi would go on treating him as he always had.  
  
It isn’t what Eren wishes for, in the deep recesses of his heart, but he has to admit it’s better than the Corporal flinching away from him in disgust.  
  
His one saving grace is that he doesn’t have to see Corporal Levi for some time, since he will be riding out in the morning, and won’t be back for at least a week. Perhaps it had been that knowledge that had spurred him on to blurt out his feelings so carelessly. Whatever it had been, Eren regrets it.  
  
—  
  
The week passes both too slowly and too quickly. Eren wants so desperately to see Corporal Levi again, to reaffirm that he is fine, maybe to apologize, even. But he is also terrified, and the night that Levi returns leaves Eren to face yet another long, sleepless night, trapped only with his insecurities.  
  
He does his best not to slump face first into his bowl at breakfast, instead focusing on spinning his spoon back and forth, the mushy oatmeal appearing less and less appetizing with each pass of the spoon.  
  
The quiet chatter around him stops suddenly, and Eren pauses, the back of his neck prickling. Somehow, he knows who he is going to see when he tilts his head up, but the sight of Corporal Levi right there beside him is enough to make his pathetic heart squeeze in his chest.  
  
He notes that Levi doesn’t look anywhere near as awful as he knows he himself looks, and it only serves to dishearten him further. Apparently the Corporal hasn’t been affected at all by what had happened that night; if anything, his eyes look a little brighter than usual, but Eren can’t be sure.  
  
"Eren. When you’re finished with your training this morning, come to my office."  
  
Eren drops the spoon. Luckily, it only makes a soft thud that doesn’t seem to draw any extra attention to their exchange. The voices around him have picked up again, the momentary curiosity over why Corporal Levi had stopped by their table satiated.  
  
"Yes, I— alright. Sir."  
  
Alright. There’s that word again. Eren wants to drown himself in his oatmeal.  
  
Levi nods once, then turns and walks away, steps measured as usual. Eren wonders if maybe hoping he wouldn’t be punished had been too lofty a thing to assume.  
  
—  
  
Eren showers before making his way to Corporal Levi’s office. The last thing he needs to do is have Levi even more disgusted with him than he already is.  
  
His footsteps falter the closer he gets to the imposing door that leads to Levi’s office. Eren takes a deep breath, heartbeat thundering in his ears, and then delivers two brisk knocks to the wood.  
  
"Come in," Levi says after only a moment, and Eren’s palm feels sweaty as he maneuvers the door open. He keeps his eyes on the floor, then to the door again as he closes it behind him. There’s something funny, in a completely awful way, about how Eren would have savored this opportunity to be alone with Corporal Levi just days ago, yet the prospect now leaves him feeling ill.  
  
"Sit down."  
  
Eren obeys silently, sitting in the chair before Levi’s desk. He fails to notice that Levi has risen from his seat with the way his eyes are trained to the floor, and it’s only when Levi’s hand lightly brushes his arm that he realizes. He freezes, head snapping up, but Levi is already walking toward the narrow couch, sitting carefully at one end.  
  
Eren stares dumbly until Levi lets out a soft sigh. “Over here.”  
  
His legs feel like jelly as he makes his way to the couch, and he is cautious to leave plenty of space between the two of them as he sits down gingerly.  
  
It’s quiet, aside from the blood pounding in his ears. When Eren finally gets tired of staring at his hands clasped upon his knees, he turns to the side, finding Levi’s gaze on him.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
It comes out breathless and hopeful and— just stupid, Eren is probably going to have to get used to acting like an idiot in front of Levi from now on. He feels exposed and afraid, fingers gripping harder into his knees as Levi crosses his legs, one hand sliding from his lap onto the couch cushion. The cushion that is between Eren and himself.  
  
"Is this not what you wanted?" Levi asks, and Eren’s head is swimming, eyes focused on that hand, it’s so close it would only take a moment to reach out, to skirt his fingers along Levi’s skin.  
  
His eyes flicker back up to Levi’s, and he murmurs, “I don’t understand.”  
  
He doesn’t, not at all. Is Levi trying to reprimand him, or—?  
  
"What’s so hard to understand?" Levi tilts his head slightly, and Eren tries not to stare at the cut of his jaw, the curve of his neck, but it’s a losing battle.  
  
"You—" Eren exhales harshly, closing his eyes and slipping his hands to the side, away from his knees, which are starting to go numb. "You didn’t say anything." He pauses again, fingers flexing against the fabric. "That night, you didn’t say anything, and I…"  
  
"I did," Levi replies, and Eren’s eyes snap open, incredulous gaze directed toward Levi.  
  
"No, you just said alright, and then left," he blurts, and he can feel his neck heating up as the words leave his mouth, god, how childish he must sound. But Levi isn’t rolling his eyes, though his eyebrows are furrowing slightly, and Eren fights a flinch as Levi leans forward minutely.  
  
"What else would you have me say?"  
  
There’s a sudden warmth on his hand, and even as Eren stares down, as he watches Corporal Levi’s hand carefully cover his own, he is unable to process anything that’s happening. His heart is twisting and squeezing, skin hot and alive, alive alive alive, and when he looks back up to Levi’s face, he doesn’t know how he isn’t dreaming.  
  
The half-smile that curls Levi’s mouth upward is enough to make his heart stop in his chest, and that light he’d thought he’d seen in Levi’s eyes earlier seems to be back and—  
  
Oh.  
  
 _Oh_.  
  
"It’s… alright?" he breathes out, and the word doesn’t sound so confusing anymore, not when Levi’s hand is over his, when he’s smiling at Eren this way.  
  
Levi doesn’t reply, simply brushes his thumb along his skin, and Eren struggles not to close his eyes at the feeling. He wants— he needs Levi to say something else, just so he can be sure—  
  
"Sir, I…" He swallows. "Please, I… You…"  
  
Despite his fumbling, Levi seems to understand, and his fingers curl around Eren’s, oh god, _Corporal Levi is holding his hand_ , and he leans closer, though not close enough, Eren wants to bury his face in the curve of his neck and—  
  
"Yes," Levi says, and it’s— it’s another one word answer that could mean anything, could be just as confusing as _alright_ , but it’s not, not right now, in this moment. Eren feels like his heart might burst, his fingers twitching in Levi’s grasp, and he can’t stop the smile from splitting his face.  
  
"Yes," Eren repeats, and then he can’t breathe, because Levi tips forward, and in the next moment his other hand is cupped around Eren’s jaw.  
  
"Yes," he says again, but Eren doesn’t hear it, just barely registers the low rumble of his voice, though he can feel the heat of Levi’s breath over his lips, can see Levi’s mouth shape the word. He wants to taste it, wants to absorb the word into his skin, and he’s suddenly aware of how heavy his breathing has gotten, how hot his ears feel.  
  
It seems insignificant, those reactions; they mean nothing, not when he takes in the way Levi’s eyelids droop slightly, gaze drawn to Eren’s mouth.  
  
His mind tries to catch up with the situation, but before he can, Levi is pulling away from him, and Eren’s heart seizes, and he’s leaning forward as Levi stands, panic in his chest, and—  
  
The door opens, and Eren snaps his head to the side. Levi walks briskly across the room to converse with Squad Leader Hanji, and—  
  
It’s alright, he tells himself, curling his hand into a gentle fist. It’s warm, it still feels so warm. He tilts his head to the side, not wanting Hanji to comment on his expression.  
  
He takes another minute to collect himself, and then exits the office with a curt nod to both of them. As his eyes meet Levi’s, as briefly as they do, Eren feels the last vestiges of anxiety fade away.  
  
—  
  
It’s strange, after that.  
  
Corporal Levi occasionally requests Eren’s presence in his office, but Eren is unable to ascertain a pattern to these requests. He wishes he could, because he craves these moments so, with Levi sitting beside him on the couch. Sometimes he spends the time reading documents, and other times he engages in mundane tasks, like polishing his blades or even his boots. Sometimes he does something as domestic as preparing tea, and it’s those days Eren looks forward to most. It’s on those days that Levi’s attention is more often than not solely on him as they drink tea together, and though it’s Eren that does most of the talking, these days are without a doubt the best ones.  
  
Levi will sometimes rest his elbow against the back of the couch, press his face against his hand as he listens to Eren. Sometimes he’ll ask Eren if he would like more tea; the answer is always ‘If you would, sir,’ and warmth seeps into his belly as their time together is extended just a bit more. Other times he seems distant, distracted, and Eren tries to remind himself how it had felt to have Levi’s hands on him, the heat of his breath and the beautiful part of his lips.  
  
Levi had said yes, and with that simple word Eren had felt so content, so sure. But the monumental shift he had been expecting to occur seems to still lurk beyond the horizon, more and more unattainable as each day passes.  
  
Today they have only been sitting together for a few minutes when Levi gets called away to speak with the Commander about something. Levi’s mouth is in a firm line as he marches out of the room, and the moment he’s gone, the door closed safely behind him, Eren sighs.  
  
He stares down at the cup in his hands. He had hoped, maybe, that today would be the day, when perhaps he’d find Levi’s hands upon him once again. Maybe today, Levi would want him as more than a companion to pass the time.  
  
Eren places the cup on the table, leaning back into the couch with another sigh. If there’s one thing he has noticed, it’s that Levi doesn’t seem to make this sort of time for anyone else. At times he seems harsh and firm and aloof, and at other times his eyes are so soft that Eren feels like he’s looking at another person.  
  
He considers that Levi might be humoring him. He gives so little away; Eren feels like he must be constantly on his toes, trying to figure Levi out, to decipher his words and actions. He wonders if it’s possible that Levi is simply bored, bored enough to let Eren entertain him some of the time.  
  
Closing his eyes and breathing deeply doesn’t do much to relax his nerves. He should leave. He will, in another moment or two.  
  
Eren cracks open an eye, taking in the empty spot where Levi usually resides. Something twists in his gut, and before he can convince himself not to, he’s slumping over, his upper body sprawled across the other half of the couch. He slides his feet to the side, not daring to raise them to stretch along the couch. Corporal Levi would murder him if he were to track dirt on the cushions.  
  
If he tilts his head, he can smell Corporal Levi. It’s faint, but enough to send heat from his face right down to his toes.  
  
He should leave, but he doesn’t.  
  
He should definitely leave when he feels drowsiness creeping over his mind and body, but he doesn’t even then.  
  
—  
  
It takes Eren a few minutes to realize that he had actually fallen asleep. His head is still hazy and light, but when he notices his feet are no longer awkwardly planted on the floor, he feels suddenly alert.  
  
His eyes pop open when he feels something running along his calf, and as he shuffles his head slightly to see what’s going on, he thinks he might faint.  
  
Levi is sitting at the other end of the couch, Eren’s legs slung over his lap. One hand is running absentmindedly along his leg, and Eren realizes belatedly that he is missing his boots (how deeply had he been asleep?), as his other is occupied with a thick stack of paper. Levi’s eyes are glued to the page before him, even as he runs his hand backwards, nails lightly scratching Eren’s skin.  
  
Eren freezes, some sort of half-gasp, half-moan falling from his lips, and Levi stops abruptly, turning to face him.  
  
He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, but above all else, he knows he has to get his legs off of Corporal Levi’s. Eren does his best to sit up gracefully, but he has a feeling that half of his hair is matted to his head. Levi doesn’t comment, however, opting to turn to the side for a moment to place his stack of papers on the arm of the couch.  
  
"I’m—" Eren pauses, clearing his throat, though his next words still sound thick with sleep. "I’m sorry, sir."  
  
Levi’s hand lies on the cushion, in the same spot it had been before Eren had pulled away. Levi looks down at his own lap for a moment before turning back to Eren. “Sorry?”  
  
"I fell asleep," he says unnecessarily. His feet feel cold on the floor, but he tries not to pay attention. "I’m sorry for disturbing you." His eyes dart around quickly, and he spots his boots at the corner of the couch.  
  
His hands are twisting in his lap when he feels the couch dip suddenly, and Eren glances up to see Levi rising, making his way over to his desk with his papers. Eren’s chest aches, aches even more when Levi speaks, eyes not meeting his. “You should go get something for dinner, before it’s too late for even that.”  
  
Eren frowns, staring at Levi like the force of his gaze alone will cause the other man to look up. It doesn’t work, of course, and Levi adds carelessly after another few moments, “Your boots are right beside you.”  
  
Anger courses through him then, and Eren finally looks away, grasping blindly at the boots. He roughly pulls them on, fingers shaking as he stands.  
  
He could leave, now. Perhaps Corporal Levi will request his presence again in a few days, or perhaps he won’t. Eren’s feet are carrying him forward before his mind makes the decision to do so, and he plants his hands on the wood of Levi’s desk with enough force to make him look up. Eren’s heart beats wildly, any and all words dying out in his throat now that he finally has Levi’s attention.  
  
"What is it?" Levi asks, and he sounds— tired, _looks_ tired, and Eren’s fingers curl against the desk. He wants to be the one asking what’s wrong, because something obviously is.  
  
"What is this?" Eren responds with instead, and Levi only raises an eyebrow.  
  
"I’m not sure." Eren’s heart sinks as Levi leans back in his seat. "I believe it’s something known as a desk."  
  
Eren’s eyes widen, then heat flushes his cheeks. He can feel the anger coming back, and he hisses, “That’s not— goddammit!”  
  
He whirls around, and his eyes land on the door. It would be so easy to storm over to it, out of this room, and he knows Corporal Levi would not call for him anymore, that this— whatever it is, would be over. It would probably be the right thing to do.  
  
But there’s the image of Levi with Eren’s legs stretched over his lap, fingers trailing gently against his skin, and Eren doesn’t know what to make of it, doesn’t think he’ll ever know what to make of it, not unless Levi tells him.  
  
He turns around to face Levi again, words tumbling from his lips. “Why do you want me to leave?”  
  
Levi looks resigned, somehow. “It doesn’t matter.”  
  
"It does!" Eren practically shouts, slamming one hand down on the wood. Levi stares at his hand for a long moment, and Eren wonders if he’s ruined everything.  
  
Levi’s gaze is piercing, and Eren feels a thrill go through him. He doesn’t even care, he’d rather have Levi angry than passive, weary, distant—  
  
"You only come here when I ask you to."  
  
The words ring through the room, though there is no anger, no accusation to them. Eren blinks dumbly, and Corporal Levi tosses his papers to the side carelessly, running a hand through his hair.  
  
"What is it you want, Eren? You said you wanted to be with me, but you never approach me. When we’re together, you look like you’re about to throw up." Levi looks back to him then, eyes flashing. "When I touch you, you pull away from me. So what exactly do you want?"  
  
Eren feels frozen to the spot, and he actually jumps when Levi thumps his own hand against the desk. “Or do you even know?”  
  
Levi stands abruptly, turning to face away from Eren.  
  
Eren’s heart is beating too hard, mind racing too fast, and he stares at the back of Levi’s head, the tense line of his shoulders, and—  
  
He’s been so careful. So very, very careful.  
  
He’s been cautious, has walked on eggshells, hasn’t let himself say the things he wants to say, hasn’t let himself reach out and touch all of the times he’s wanted to, and—  
  
He could almost laugh. For how confused and frustrated he has felt, it seems incredibly ludicrous that Corporal Levi could be feeling just the same.  
  
Eren swallows.  
  
He won’t let this go on any longer. He’s tired of being so careful; he hadn’t worried about such things when he’d cornered Corporal Levi that night, poured out his feelings, as messy and embarrassing as it had been.  
  
Levi is halfway turned around when Eren makes his way to the other side of the desk, and he starts, “Eren, you—”  
  
Eren hates that tone of voice, doesn’t want to hear it ever again, so he interrupts, “I know.” Levi frowns slightly, and Eren rushes on. “I know what I want.”  
  
Levi’s face hardens, and he sighs. “Eren, it’s late—”  
  
"No!" Eren interrupts again, and he’s desperate, scared, now, scared that he’s messed this up without meaning to. "Please, just listen to me, please."  
  
He doesn’t receive an answer, but Levi hasn’t kicked him out either, so he decides to continue. “I’m— I didn’t—”  
  
Of course, it would help if he could speak in full sentences. It would help even more if Levi wouldn’t gaze at him so calmly, like he’s simply waiting for Eren to inform him of the weather forecast for tomorrow.  
  
He reaches out suddenly, hands gripping at Levi’s arms, and it’s then that his expression finally flickers. His mouth opens, but Eren leans forward, presses his forehead against Levi’s, and the words never seem to come.  
  
"I don’t know how to do this," he whispers, closing his eyes. He can feel Levi’s strong arms in his hold, can feel the heat of his skin, his breath, and he wonders how he’s gone without it for so long. "I meant what I said, and you… you meant it too, right?"  
  
He waits with bated breath, and just when he’s about to panic he feels Levi’s arms shift, feels his hands gently coming to rest on his shoulders. He almost sags in relief at the touch; Corporal Levi doesn’t always speak with words, which he’s coming to realize.  
  
"I wanted— I wanted to be careful. I didn’t want to ruin it."  
  
Eren fervently wishes he were better with words, but it seems to be enough, because Levi’s hands are sliding upward, along his neck, and his nose is brushing Eren’s, and—  
  
"When are you ever careful?" Levi murmurs, and when Eren opens his eyes, there’s a soft tilt to his mouth. Eren’s never wanted to kiss him more.  
  
His hands squeeze around Levi’s arms the moment his fingertips brush against his jaw, and he doesn’t want to wait, to consider the possibility of any small move sending everything around him crashing down. He tilts his head, pressing his lips to Levi’s slightly parted mouth.  
  
Goosebumps erupt on the back of his neck and his eyes fall shut as Levi presses back against him, gently bringing Eren’s bottom lip between his own. It feels like sparks are igniting all over his skin, his lips, and he lets himself move forward, press his chest against Levi’s, and it’s warm, solid, so real, and then Levi scrapes his teeth lightly against Eren’s lip and he almost moans.  
  
He’s afraid Levi will pull back at the embarrassing sound, but he doesn’t, only repeats that same motion, then sucks lightly at the teased skin. Eren fumbles to bring his hands up, to bury them in Levi’s hair, and when he does, he’s rewarded with a soft sound, quiet but longing, and Eren opens his mouth to gasp for breath.  
  
"Eren," Levi murmurs against his mouth, and Eren doesn’t know how they’ve gotten here, how Levi’s _alright_ back then could have meant that he would want Eren this way. Even now, with Levi in his arms, he wonders fleetingly if he’s dreaming.  
  
Levi kisses him again, and Eren melts, sagging sideways against the desk. Levi smiles against his mouth, then nibbles at his lip, alternating quick soft presses with longer deeper ones. It feels like Eren’s on fire, everything’s burning and spinning and god he’s wanted this, wanted Levi, not just to be near him but to touch him, hold him, kiss him until the spell inevitably wears off.  
  
But Eren isn’t dreaming, can’t be dreaming, because anything his mind could come up with wouldn’t be so—  
  
Levi’s mouth is moving against his, and Eren eagerly presses back, trying not to make an idiot out of himself by being too clumsy, too sloppy. But it seems an unnecessary worry, as Levi keeps touching him, one hand sliding back into his hair, keeps kissing him, over and over, like he wants him, _has_ wanted him.  
  
Eren wraps his other hand around Levi’s waist, and in his attempt to draw him nearer, they both tilt sideways. The fluttering sound that cuts through the air is enough to make them both pause, and as he stares into Levi’s hooded eyes, his heart seems to lurch in his chest.  
  
"You knocked my papers over." Eren watches Levi’s reddened lips move with each word, trying to resist the urge to dart forward and slot their mouths together.  
  
"Yeah," he replies breathlessly, not glancing down to survey the mess.  
  
"You should be more careful," Levi says, thumb trailing along the skin just below Eren’s lip. He looks like he might be smiling.  
  
"Alright." He grins, sliding his palm against the smooth, solid plane of Levi’s back.  
  
"Alright," Levi returns, eyes soft. His fingers curl in Eren’s hair as their lips meet once more, and Eren thinks that yes, things are finally alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I will try to work on uploading things I've written already here, maybe not. I'm so incredibly lazy, it's actually sad.
> 
> I have been thinking a lot about Eren and Levi's relationship in canon-verse, so I really enjoyed writing this. These idiots warm my heart. :')
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the fic, and thank you so much for reading! You are absolutely wonderful. ;v;


End file.
